I Don’t Want My Daughter to Hate Her Body.
In my work, and as a mother of daughters myself, there is this worry. Worry that our tweens and teens are uncomfortable in their own skin. That they will spend more time frowning at their reflection than being out smiling with friends.
One of the most important ways to help your daughter with her body image is to first notice how you feel about your own body. If the goal is for her to love her body, you must begin the journey towards loving and appreciating your own. I know this is easier said than done, and I know that you and your daughter are worth the effort. We can’t teach what we haven’t yet learned ourselves.
The way you speak about your own body in front of your children truly carries a ton of weight (no pun intended.) They are sponges absorbing every comment we make about ourselves and others, direct or not. Just last week I caught myself saying “Ugh I look so tired.” Hours later, I overheard my toddler saying, “Ugh. My elephant looks so tired. She needs coffee.” Whoops.
When is the last time you saw an adult woman look into a mirror and say, “I am so beautiful, look how good I look!” The Barbie movie does attempt this. Watch it with your daughter if you haven’t yet!
Scene of Barbie saying “You’re so beautiful” and older woman responding “I know it” here.
For me, unfortunately, I can’t say I’ve ever seen that in real life…yet. But change starts with you and me, the grown-ups. And we can start saying what we love about ourselves in front of the mirror out loud in front of our kids right now.
While we work on that, it helps to understand why we hold such critical beliefs about our bodies. Our notion of body image comes from these four places: the media, our family, our friends and ourselves. From the media, think of actresses, models and magazine covers. What do these women have in common? How are “stars” portrayed? From our families, what have we heard our own female and male relatives say about their bodies and ours? From our friends, what were they saying about their bodies during adolescence? What are they saying now? Last, think of the messages coming from your own head. What have you been saying to yourself about your body?
Our bodies work so hard for us. In an effort to give them some credit and to build a lasting positive body image for yourself and your kids, try this activity:
First, write a one page letter about everything you think of your body.
Next, write a letter pretending to be from your body back to you. What would it be telling you? How does it feel about all of the things you said about it?
Hopefully this written reflection brings to light some areas where you can show a little more appreciation for the hard work your body is doing.
To learn more about promoting a more positive body image, check out this podcast episode from Good Inside: My Body is Not a Problem to Fix here.
If you or your child is struggling with intrusive thoughts about body image, or disordered eating, don’t hesitate to seek help. For signs of an eating disorder, click here. There is a community of resources right here in Austin and you are not alone. Perhaps you or your child may benefit from individual therapy, group therapy and/or family therapy. If you’d like some recommendations on where to go next, please reach out.
