Holidays and Grief
It’s the Friday after Thanksgiving and you have finally mustered up the energy to pull out Christmas decorations. You have mentally prepared for the frustrating task of untangling the lights for the tree. You have not, however, prepared to be knocked to your knees again by the sight of your missing loved one’s stocking.
Whether your loved one died a few weeks, months or even years ago, the holidays can bring up difficult emotions. You are reminded of memories and traditions that involved them. Smells of their favorite foods can send you right back to thinking of them. Hearing songs they used to love can stop you in your tracks. Your grief can intensify as you watch others celebrating and smiling while you mourn.
How do you get through this tough time of year? The following are tips to help you manage your grief and honor the loved one you lost:
1. Take it slow. You don’t have to accept invitations to parties or gatherings if you are simply not in the mood. Saying no is not selfish, it’s self-care.
2. When you do feel in the mood, spend time with people who “get” you and are supportive. Whether it’s a phone call, simply watching a show with you or going for a walk, reach out to your friends or family who are understanding and can just sit and be.
3. Honor your missing loved one: Create an ornament in memory of them. Light a candle. Spend time listening to their favorite songs. Look through old photos of them. Give yourself permission to feel your grief. Sit and cry as much as you need. Write them a letter. Even though they’re gone, the love you have for them remains and deserves to be expressed.
4. If your grief feels overwhelming, reach out for more support. Individual therapy can give you a space to process your grief and address other difficult emotions that might be in the mix. Grief groups can help you feel less alone as you connect with others who have loved and lost. The Christi Center and Austin Center for Grief and Loss are great places to find groups for adults, teens and children.
If this “most wonderful time of year” is not so wonderful, know that you are not alone. Don’t hesitate to contact me for more ideas and grief resources.
