Date with Intention
Valentine’s Day can often put a timer on your love life. You feel this near panicky pressure to find someone RIGHT NOW. You’re tired of being alone. You want a romantic partner who you could see yourself one day marrying and having children together or traveling the world. You re-activate your online dating profiles, but you’re worried that you’ll scare them off if you say exactly what you want, so you hide those longings and hope that it will just work.
Then, because you said you were fine with casual even though you were not fine, you find yourself alone Valentine’s night. Instead of being out, you are at home eating Cookies and Cream ice cream, and watching He’s Just Not that Into You because the guy who told you he only wanted casual is out with someone else on his rotation.
This is the year to stop hoping and start dating with intention.
1. Start by being clear about what you want from the relationship. What values are important? Do you desire a long-term relationship or only wanting casual? How do you want to feel when you’re with them? What are non-negotiables? Do you want to get married or are you done with that? Kids?
2. Be authentic. We’ve all laughed at a joke we didn’t find funny or participated in an event we hated just to appease our date. But if you start out completely hiding what you truly love and pretending to enjoy things that make you uncomfortable, you will begin to feel resentment and the relationship will ultimately fizzle. The right person will be attracted to the values and personality you naturally possess.
3. Focus your energy. In the first few dates, you can communicate exactly what you’re hoping for. If your potential partner isn’t on board, it’s better to end it there and pour your energy into finding a better fit. You don’t want to waste away years hoping they’ll change into the partner you want.
4. Listen to your gut. If something feels off, trust your instincts. If what a potential partner says and what they do don’t align, they may not be trustworthy. If they are too agreeable, also watch out for this. It may be a façade. You don’t want to be with someone who isn’t being authentic with you as well.
If you focus your efforts and become intentional, you will find the partner you deserve to have.
If you’d like help in troubleshooting relationship patterns that have kept you stuck, figuring out what your core values are, or just building on your self-esteem, contact me here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation.
